Tonight is the beginning of Game of Thrones, Season 5, and thus it also marks the anniversary of when Cersei Lannister circulated what was perhaps the greatest memo ever written in Westeros. Titled, “issues with various Houses,” it noted in passing that basically none of House Lannister’s unification and pacification efforts were working well, and asked Grand Maester Pycelle to solve all the problems:

TO: Grand Maester Pycelle

FROM: Cersei Lannister

SUBJECT: Issues w/Various Houses

We need more coercive diplomacy with respect to Greyjoy and Bolton. If they mess up the North, it will delay bringing our troops home.

We also need to solve the Tyrell problem.

And Dragonstone doesn’t seem to be going well.

Are you coming up with proposals for me to send around?

Thanks.

Needless to say, we are all very excited to see how none of this will get solved this season.